Thursday, June 23, 2011

Wide Load

I've got big hair.  When it's summer, I've got really big hair.  The humidity is like an inflatable device pumping my hair follicles.  I hardly ever wash it because it gets so excited that it blows up even bigger.  When I paint anything, it gets in my big fat hair because I don't allow for clearance, and it would be helpful to have a beeper like garbage trucks to warn me when my hair is backing into something.

I was making the bed and heard a buzzing in my head.  Mother Ship.  I hit myself in the head and it stopped for a second, but then started up again.  I shook my head a couple of times, but that seemed to make it worse.  Maybe I was having a stroke.  I think I'm having a stroke about once a day.  More when the Visa bill comes.

Turns out, all that buzzing was due to a fly being stuck in my hair. A fly that had probably cruised every pile of dog crap in the neighborhood was now in my hair.  Oh, I  know, it's disgusting.  Once I figured that out I really went crazy, hopping around, screaming like a little girl and hitting my head.  The varmint finally found the way out, but sheesh, I was sweating and hyperventilating and my head hurt from hitting it so much.  I had to sit down and rest after that and then the damn Visa bill showed up in the mail and I should have called 911 as soon as the day started.

1 comment:

  1. A hair net probably sounds like a good thing to have right now.