Wednesday, July 6, 2011


Teacher Girl and I went up to Macy's to try on swimsuits.  She's going to a friend's lake house for the weekend and my suit is a thousand years old.  I pride myself on knowing how to shop for everything, but a bathing suit?  Is your clothes size your swimsuit size?  I thought so until I held it up and knew for sure that thing wasn't going to fit so I went up a size.  Maybe two.  O.k.,  I'm not gonna lie.  It was three.

Teacher Girl is a size 0.  That was me thirty years ago.  These days, not so much.  She went in ahead of me so by the time I got in the dressing room, she already had a suit on.  Oh my, she looked cute in her little bikini.  I tried on a tankini and the first one was too big.  Yeah!!!  This bathing suit trying on is so much fun.  The 2nd suit seemed a little tight going on but I persevered thinking it was the swimsuit version of Spanx, which would really be slimming, but I had a problem.  Fat girl in a little suit.  Uh huh, I was stuck in the thing.  I couldn't pull it up and I sure couldn't pull it down.  Oh, I was in a real tizzy and then a hottie hits.  Just like that I'm sweating like crazy and now the stuck suit is plastered to my sweaty skin with me yanking and tugging and my face is beet red.  I tried to calm my frantic, sweaty ass down and figure out what to do so I looked in the mirror, and seeing your fifty year old body stuck in a too small suit in a full-length mirror under fluorescent lights in Macy's is.....hmmm, what's the word?   The word would be shocking.

Teacher Girl got her suit and was as happy as could be to have something cute to wear for her weekend getaway.  I went home empty handed and I will go to the beach next month in my suit from the Dark Ages.  I did, however, manage to leave Macy's in my own clothes and that was one biggety accomplishment.

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