Sunday, August 14, 2011


My kids are of an age that requires far more $$$ than highlighters in order to start the school year.   We still have the mega-buck calculator (under threat of serious harm to anyone who loses it) and the backpack does not get replaced unless you make a mighty good case in front of the committee of Mom.  As far as new shoes?  Let me show you the last pair I bought that were worn less than a week.

The ease of getting the kids into school hasn't always been like this.  Just ask a parent who's received the godawful school supply list in the mail.

Prang water colors.  Prang water colors have never, ever been used in the history of elementary school, but they make the cut every year.  Your insubordinate Mom won't be a team player and buy another one?  Well, 2nd grader, we'll just put a check mark next to that and you can start the first day of school feeling like a loser.

Kleenex.  Best if purchased by the case to supply the classroom, gym, music and art room, and don't forget the library.  The state can't afford to shut down Planned Parenthood and provide boogie wipes for all you snotty, little kids.

Red pens.  Let's grade our neighbor's paper, shall we?  That would be that Flanders' kid who will have told everyone in class how dumb your little darling is during recess.  He's hoping to grow up to be a professional Shit Starter, just like his dad. 

New design of the school tshirt only $15.00.  Sweatshirt a mere $30.00.  Don't you want Junior to show his school spirit?  That died when he got passed over for the soccer team.  Twice.

PTA enrollment with check.  You are going to join the PTA, aren't you?  Oh, I thought that was some sort of wacked out religious cult.  No?

The Mob probably learned how to run a racket from the Annual Back to School Shakedown that happens at this time every year.  Stressed out parents and whiney kids populate every aisle of Target buying crap they don't need and has little to do with them becoming successful.

I bet even The Mighty Big Chief wonders how he ended up on the cover of a writing tablet considering his people likely wrote their answers in the dirt.  His bad......he must not have ordered the pre-pack.

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