Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Wheel & Me

When The Teacher Girl moved back home to do her student-teaching gig, she got me hooked on Wheel of Fortune.  Every night, we'd watch it together, solving puzzles, shouting out letters, yelling at contestants.  It is a well-known fact around here, that I cannot be beat.  Why?  Three reasons.  I love words.  I've cracked the Wheel code.  I am The Mother of All Dorks.

Before & After.............Concentrate on solving the first or second half, not the whole puzzle.  As soon as you've solved half of it, the rest is easy.

Prize Puzzle..........Always has to do with a destination spot.  Think beaches and you're going to Hawaii.

Final Spin..........If it's one word you're toast.  Hard as hell to solve, but think compound word.

The kids always tell me I should try out for the Wheel and win my fortune, and I've considered it.  However, it is also a well-known fact around here that I get diarrhea when I get one of my Nerve Spells.   If a Southwest flight I was on should have an outbreak of the scoots, I could supply every passenger with Immodium because I carry that much with me all the time for the Nerve Spells.

If I ever did make it to The Final Spin, I'd probably stand at the marker and get that uh-oh, pre-diarrhea feeling and end up shouting, "I'm about to crap my pants."  Old Pat and Vanna would say, gosh, sorry, no, it's A Pot of Gold.   Well, we don't refer to it as that in Kansas, but okay.  Then Pat would open the envelope and show me that I just lost thirty grand, and I'd have to go back to the Land of Oz with nothing to show for my troubles but a purse full of poop pills.


  1. focus...focus...focus on the word and the spinning. they do have commericals here in d-town for how you can win a trip to play the wheel of fortune with v&p. (btw - vanna white is a cruel name for indians that have issues with v/w words next to each other).

  2. Do it! You'd be great! Just pack some Depends diapers! :)