Monday, November 7, 2011

72

Kim K. and her Forever Love are calling it quits after 72 days.  Well, she is, anyways.  He doesn't seem to know much about it.  Does a husband ever know when anything is wrong? 

It was a fast courtship she had, not like The Big Daddy and I who dated for five years before we got married.  I knew EVERY SINGLE THING about him.  A day after we promised to love, honor and obey tolerate, we went to the beaches of South Carolina, where we rented a condo for a week.  And EVERY SINGLE THING he did drove me nuts.  The way he held a knife.  The way he chopped.  The way he'd cook with a flame so high I thought he was going to burn the place down.   The way he left every utensil he used on the counter instead of putting it in the dishwasher.  The amount of dressing he'd douse on a salad.  The wet towels on the floor.  The exhaust fan in the bathroom that droned on and on.  The way he ate his cereal.

Because it made me nuts, I had to comment on all of it.  Back home, we cut on an angle.  Back home, we simmer.  Back home, we clean as we go.   Back home we put our towels in the hamper.  Back home, back home, back home.   After the third day, he looked at me with stone cold eyes and said, "Well, you're not back home any more, are you?"  And those dead peepers of his kind of scared me.

That's when I understood that this marriage thing was more like legalized kidnapping.  Of course I knew at times that I could escape, but Stockholm Syndrome set in and I learned to love and depend on this man who took me away from everything in my life that made any sense.

Every now and then, though, I'll watch The Big Daddy out in the yard, throwing clods of dirt and cussing at the squirrels and think.........

I should make a run for it.

4 comments:

  1. So funny!! Make a run for it - Been there!!!

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  2. Men are like dogs.... they obey when they want something but fail to remain focused all of the
    ti......SQUIRREL!!.....

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  3. Kathy, you were beginning to sound like a Gershwin song.
    Becca

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  4. I'm amazed that Mrs. HUMPhries wants her husband to "go to work" - he's a f*^$#%g basketball player and the union is on strike! Other than being a semi-porn star what's she done that qualifies as work? There isn't a toilet big enough to flush that crew down the drain.
    Jim - the bro

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