Sunday, January 27, 2013

True Confessions

When we were growing up and trying to pull a fast one on The Queen Mum, she'd listen to the whole improbable story and say, "You know, I wasn't born yesterday."  This was her way of letting us know that she wasn't in the market for bullshit and we'd better think long and hard about the tale we were weaving.

I learned a lot about parenting from that single, often-repeated statement of hers.

I have tried to follow the Man Te'O story.  The girlfriend who died on the same day as his grandma.  The grief.  The cancer that took them both.  Of course you're playing for them.  Oh you poor thing.  Until it all cracked open and now he seems to have been the unfortunate victim of a hoax.  A hoax you say?   Even so, you probably shouldn't be publicly and repeatedly mourning A GIRL YOU'VE NEVER MET.

Sheesh.  Who tells that kind of bullshit story???  You sure didn't have the same kind of mother I did.  She'd have never fallen for that one.

When I was in the 8th grade I met up with a friend to hang out on a Saturday afternoon.  We then walked to KMart which my mom would have never let me do.  When I was late getting home she asked me what took me so long.

Well, we were right by the church so we decided to go to confession.


Yeah, Mom.  I haven't gone in awhile and we were right there so that's why I was late getting home.

That night at dinner, The Queen Mum announced to the table, "I'd just like you all to know that Kathy went to confession today without even being told."

And the crowd went silent.

The Queen Mum might have been suffering from a temporary case of Bullshit Radar Relapse, but it was clear by the look on my brothers and sisters' stunned faces that they weren't born yesterday either.

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