When we lived on the east coast, I told The Big Daddy that I wanted to go to Baltimore for my birthday, so we loaded up wee Maggie and drove there for the day.
The Inner Harbor is the main draw with all kinds of boats surrounded by an aquarium, shops and restaurants. We had some lunch and did some walking, and then I suggested we check out the farmer's market which was several blocks away.
There were two problems with this idea................
#1. We had no idea where we were going.
#2. It was early March which isn't exactly farmer's market season.
We've never been the kind of people to let facts get in the way of a really dumb idea.
We left the Inner Harbor and forged onward in search of the farmer's market. After a few blocks I started getting nervous. The neighborhood was looking a little sketch.
I don't know about this, Mark. I think we should turn back.
"Nah. It's fine."
A block later, a drunk leaning in a doorway saw us and yelled, "SO..............YOU THINK YOU'RE COMMON SONS-OF BITCHES???"
The Big Daddy nodded and smiled.
Oh geez, this isn't good. No it isn't.
The Big Daddy kept pushing that baby of ours with confidence. "I was in these kinds of neighborhoods all the time when I was a roofer. We're fine."
Always the roofing references. You'd have thought he roofed half of Chicago with a gun to his head. Well, maybe once or twice but it was a coworker with the gun which doesn't count as a real crime.
After a long trek we made it to a closed farmer's market which is when it dawned on us that this selling of fruits and vegetables is a seasonal thing.
We turned around and were making our way back to the Inner Harbor.............the shiny beacon of materialism and the tourist safety zone was within our sight.
Out of the corner of our eye at precisely the same time we saw three very large woman crossing the street. Unusually large. Very endowed. Hot pants. Purses. Make-up. Big hair. Long fingernails. Tight, tight, tight with the clothes. I did a double take and one of them said............
"Ewwwww wheeeeee.....................look at that white boy pushing that baby carriage!
Oh my God, Mark, are they talking about you?
And The Big Scared Daddy said...................
Do you see any other white boy pushing a baby carriage?????
These common sons-of-bitches did the skedaddle before The Baltimore Trannies took Baby Daddy for a walk on the wild side.