Thursday, August 29, 2013

The Night Routine

I have certain routines I do every night before I go to bed.

The Big Daddy's routine is to say he's going to bed.  Then he goes to bed.

First, I have to take a bath because I love baths and if I'm stuck on writing something it relaxes me and I ponder sentence structure.

Usually a bath will make me sleepy unless it was too hot and then it makes me feel like passing out.

If it has been a productive bath I immediately go to the computer and write down whatever brilliant thought I had before I forget.

Then I put on my body lotion which is a very important step because I come from generations of dry skin.

After that I'll do a quick look in the magnifying mirror for those black chin hairs that old ladies get and start plucking.  I call this My Nightly Face Farming.

The magnifying mirror leads to all kinds of analysis about the state of my face and wrinkles.  I push my neck skin back to see what a lift would look like.  I do that almost every night.

I get my clothes ready for work the next day.

I take some melatonin if the bath didn't make me sleepy enough.

I put night cream on.

I floss and brush my teeth.

I put my mouthguard in for my grinding.

The other night I was going through my usual routine next to a dozing Big Daddy.  There was a wee, little bit of body lotion left in the bottle and so I was thump, thump, thumping on it to get that hunk I could see down at the bottom.

The dozing Big Daddy who wasn't really dozing after all said, " long is this going to take and why do you keep beating on that thing?  I'm trying to go to sleep in case you hadn't noticed."

I hadn't.

I always have the hardest time remembering that there's two people in this marriage.  

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  1. I call it The Hunt for Hag Hair. Which is complicated by the fact that I cannot find them anymore without my reading glasses.

  2. Oh Joan.......that is hilarious and yes I also must do it with my reading glasses right under the light which makes me sweat and defeats the purpose of the bath. Meh.

  3. This is great. I have an entire routine too which makes me insane as Andy is a Just Skip It All and Asleep in Seconds sort of guy. His teeth have yet to rot out and I'm the one visiting periodontist.