Sunday, November 10, 2013

Maintenance

I do not work on Fridays and it is always my intention to get a lot done.  That never happens.  I sleep a little later, I read the paper a little longer, I waste ridiculous amounts of time on Facebook and Pinterest, I get on the phone, I putter the day away.

This past Friday was the first Friday of the rest of my life.  The start of getting shit done on my day off.

I had a dentist appointment at 11:00 that was purely for cosmetic reasons.  I started seeing a new dentist a few months ago and she asked me if I wanted the gaps filled in between between my front and eye teeth.

That's okay.  We like to stay current with the house payment.

As if she could read my mind she said, "It's not an implant or anything expensive.  I'll put a bonding material on it like a filling and it shouldn't be more than $80.00 for both teeth."

So I signed myself up because if my smile dazzles then maybe you won't notice the wrinkles.

I was ridiculously optimistic when I sat in the chair and the dental tech said, "We don't even have to numb you for this."  Yeah!!!  Instead they started with a lip spreader which is just as awful as it sounds.  A huge hunking plastic thing that stretches and holds your lips apart for oh, I don't know.........an hour or more.  And I was thinking, "You have got to be kidding me," but since I couldn't put my lips together to make any sound I pleaded with my eyes.  The dentist and the tech cheerfully chatted over my head and so my plea was to Jesus who happened to not be on ceiling duty that day.

Toast perhaps?

The hour it was supposed to take to do both teeth stretched into an hour and a half for one tooth and I called a time out.  I had a mammogram appointment in thirty minutes and seeing as how I was six months past due on that one I needed to schedule another time to come back for the second tooth.

December?  Yeah, that sounds good.  No, not this December.

I flew out the door of the dentist's office and raced to my other appointment.  I had been instructed over the phone to arrive fifteen minutes earlier than my scheduled time to fill out paperwork.  I arrived one minute late.  Forty-five minutes later I filled out paperwork.

I was called in and got my mammogram which compared to the dentist wasn't so bad except for the side views which felt like I was being steam rolled.

People.  Really...........

I came home and laid on the couch.  I was spent.  No cleaning.  No laundry.  No grocery shopping.  No bill paying.  No dinner.  Not even Facebook or Pinterest.

I gave everything I had in me on my day off to two women who told me they were almost done about thirty times.

The Big Daddy came home from work and took pity on me.  "Let's go out to eat," he said and I poufed my couch hair and put some lipstick on.  Then I showed him how the gap was filled in on the right and he said, "Holy crap, honey, that looks awesome."

And it did.  White and polished........a Crest commercial smile if I ever saw one.

We went to the new pizza place in town and had a glass of wine.  We oohed and ahhed over the funky, industrial-vibed restaurant and watched the hipster employees running around with their cute selves.  My day of being squeezed and stretched was but a distant memory.

The second bite of my pizza made an odd crunching sound and I thought, "No. No. No.  Please no.  Not that.  Please. Not. That."

And then I spit out a chunk of my newly spackled tooth.
                

1 comment:

  1. Dang on those "Almost done" false remarks. I did giggle but anticipated a wine stained spackled tooth instead of losing the whole thing!

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