Sunday, February 2, 2014

The Sum Of Our Parts

When Will first came out to us he was a mere fifteen years old.  My first reaction was utter fear for him.  In one of our many talks that followed, I asked him if any of his friends knew.  They did.......for is anybody ever shocked to learn that someone is gay?

Rather early on I said to him, "I'm not asking you to keep it a secret, but I don't think you need to share this information outside of your circle of friends right now.  Maybe down the road but not just yet."

He agreed because besides being born gay he was born agreeable.

If I could take that back if I would.

While I will likely always fight the fear of somebody hurting him, the unspoken truth of my request was because the whole idea of him dating freaked me out.   All of my kids were late bloomers when it came to that, but sometimes I wonder if over time I made my problem his problem.

After high school he spent four years at college in rural Kansas which hardly offers a variety of dating options outside of straight, conservative, Baptist farm boys. 

Now he is home, employed, and confident and has decided to put himself out there in the dating world.  I am not holding my breath this time but being rather being pleady with my prayers. Pleasegodpleasegodpleasegod let there be one great guy out there who thinks he hung the moon.   One guy who makes him love life even more.  One guy that we can't wait to cram around the table for Sunday dinner.  One guy that will embrace the annual-after-Christmas-family-bowling tournament.

Just one guy.........

Recently, Will met someone for a beer and we all pounced on him for the details later.  What did you think?  What's he look like?  Did you like him?  Are you going to go out again?

"Well," he said, "it was okay except everything he talked about was being gay.  I mean I know I am, too, but that's not all I am."

A rising tide lifts all boats.

That kid is our tide.


  1. I don't know your Will but I love him, as I love you. So grounded and wise. Still craving a sit-down with you over coffee, or better yet, wine, to discuss this common parenting theme that we have... and all the other things we seem to share.

  2. A young man who I have known and worked with for 8 years is gay.
    Michael is turning 34 and still has not found " the one ".
    I have been with him through his Mom's Cancer and other problems that all families go through.
    He confides in me when his hopes are up and leans on my shoulder when he gets hurt.
    I know he will find " the one " in the same way we all do.
    Somehow when you least expect it, it just happens.
    Will is one of the best parts of our family.
    The fact that he is gay is not the issue. At least not to me .
    I admit society has its way of making things difficult, but I know that Will can handle that.
    Your support and love was all he needed at the beginning.
    I know that from the talks I have had with my friend Michael.
    His parents supported him from the first moment they knew.
    Will is smart, kind, funny and well rounded .
    His family tree is strong and I believe that counts for a lot.
    I think your Blog was spot on as a mom worried about her son and wanting him to find
    someone who will be the right person to enrich his life.
    Someone that cares as much about people and life as much as Will does.
    I have all the faith in the world that in time that will happen for Will.
    And our family circle will continue to grow and be enriched for many years to come.